It’s been eight days since my last post, so literally just over a week. Life, as it does, crashed down around me. I couldn’t breathe. It wouldn’t let go. Even though its grip has loosened and I can finally breathe, I still feel the painful pull of the sharp talons firmly planted within my back.
Alrighty, back into the fray! Today I’m going to dissect the top of outlining versus discovery writing, as I understand them, and go over the pros and cons of each. Keep in mind that I am not a master writer and I have never claimed to be one, this is my interpretation of the two. Someone may agree or disagree with me or have their own views on the subject, and that’s fine, I love that, let me know what you think. Let’s jump in.
I’m feeling slightly irritated today. Which I’m positive can be chalked up to my total lack of sleep, mostly last night, but throughout the entire week thus far. Work has been stressful and every once in a while, the people in charge go full on “Simple Jack”, and as we all know, that is never a good idea.Also feeling irritated because I haven’t been able to blog about the topics I’ve wanted too because I’ve been so busy, and instead I’ve been posting filler. I suppose even filler has a purpose because I have been striving to write everyday. And yesterday I did manage to write not only at least 500 words in a blog, but I also wrote just over 1,500 words in my book. Not too shabby.
…though not necessarily in a bad way. I’m feeling guilty that I didn’t write a blog post last night, which means I know I should have been writing and I didn’t, so now I feel bad. Why didn’t I write last night? Excuses are a dime a dozen and I don’t like giving them, but I’m gonna anyway. Yesterday at work was a complete peel (meaning we worked really hard), and if you know anything about work days in the entertainment industry, they are usually at least 12 hour days everyday that you work. We lift heavy things, move lots of stuff, set up, tear down, do double to triple work sometimes, but that’s ok; it’s what we’re paid to do. But sometimes, it gets a little out of hand. Also afterwards I was extremely tired and sore from this week of working and that didn’t help, so by the time I got home I was so tired, I almost fell asleep in the shower. Writing just wasn’t going to happen. In retrospect, I should have just sat down, cranked out my self mandated 500 words, then gone to bed. Obviously that wasn’t the case.So now I’m at work with a little bit of downtime. I was watching a video on YouTube, just relaxing, but since I went to bed last night the thought that I should have written something has been nagging at the back of my mind. I always bring my iPad, which is my main tool for writing because I’m often on the go (I have an Incipio ClamCase with a keyboard which is super nice), so I pulled that out, sat down and started writing this post. I use Scrivener to write, I own it on all platforms (Windows, OS X and iOS), and there is no reason why, even if I just have my phone, I shouldn’t be writing when I have nothing else to do. I should always be writing. Always. Everyday I am reminded that this is what I want to do, this is what I should be doing. And every day that I don’t, especially recently, I feel more and more guilty. I know I can write 500 words a day, that’s nothing. I was writing 2,000+ words per day the last two NaNoWriMo’s. Absolutely no reason I shouldn’t be writing. Sorry for the redundancy in saying that, but this post also serves as my own scolding, I’m yelling at myself.
Sometimes when I go to write a blog, or if it’s late and I had a long day at work and I’m dreading the ever-blinking cursor in my word processor, I don’t feel like writing, or I’m at a loss of what to write. I have idea’s in my head for things to write, but each one requires time, energy and focus; all of which I usually have none during this state of mind. So I figured why not use that as a sort of writing prompt? My idea is this: on days when I feel that way, when I don’t have anything to write about or what I want to write about requires a certain amount of attention and focus that I don’t have time for, then just write a bunch of small paragraphs about the random things that are on my mind, to vent or get things off my chest, so to speak. And so, that’s where this recurring segment comes into play: Brain Storm!
Moving on from all that depression stuff, because at this point I’m pretty much over it (for now), and let’s talk about the book I’m writing, titled “Lost Hills”.
It’s been a couple days since my sudden onset of depression and while I’m feeling a bit melancholy (as is to be expected) I am otherwise doing alright. I know I missed a post yesterday, which is the second post I’ve missed since starting, and while I should have written last night, I just didn’t feel like it. As the title says, I’ve gone on a sort of mini vacation. I went down to San Diego on Saturday and spent the day and part of the day today with my dad. We just hung out, ate some food, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 today, which wasn’t all that bad, not as good as the first one, but not bad at all.
I feel better today. Watched a movie, ate some food, listened to some music, I’m writing in my book and now I’m watching a Street Fighter tournament. I’ve been focusing on relaxing today, nothing too stressful, doing anything that makes me feel good. Today that happens to be music and writing.
Depression is a bitch. It can come out of nowhere and absolutely wreak havoc on your life. It will break through your protective barriers and walls, throw your emotions around like a rag doll, make your life seem totally and utterly worthless, those around you suddenly seem intolerable and annoying even if they have done nothing to you. Everything becomes an offense or suddenly directed toward you in a negative manner, sarcasm is now ammunition against you because your emotional imbalance renders you unable to tell the difference between fire and jest.
I hate my beard. I don’t hate beards in general, mostly I think they’re pretty cool on most people, I just hate mine in particular. It’s big, unkempt, curly, fluffy, it gets tangled and knotted so it’s painful to brush some times, it’s three-and-a-half inches long (which is three-and-a-half inches longer than I like it to be), and I think it looks dumb on my face. But it’s there for a very specific reason: a promise I made to myself.